These tips helped me develop more self-love, and I never thought I’d say that! Not in any particular order. 🥰
Dress for the occasion– If I dress like I’m going to do laundry when I have a date night with my partner, guess what, the vibe for me (for me) is off. I love dressing up and looking cute/bathed, whatever you want to call it. This reminds me of (story time); when I interviewed a candidate for a front desk associate position. I kid you not. This woman came in as if she was ready for the club. Her nails were the size of Texas, skin-tight pants, and a tube top. She looked out of place for the front desk associate position. It felt far from appropriate. It was a painful interview; she was too busy worried about her appearance rather than on the questions. Be your BFF, dress for the occasion, and coach yourself.
Have a hobby– This may sound vague, but you need to do something that fulfills you and makes you happy outside of the everyday bustle. It can be a sport, writing, learning a new language or reading, anything that you do for yourself, with out the need of someone else to do it with you (but awesome if they want to join in).
Have an opinion– And don’t be afraid of it. I’ve said some really stupid shit in my youth, and some at my age currently. I’m not perfect, but I’m always open to having my opinions challenged and open to learning from my gaffes. Open to change. Having an idea, and being okay with expressing it, builds your confidence. Otherwise, how will you ever think freely!?
Self-care – The times where I feel confident and loved are when I do my skincare rituals, healthy smoothies (that last for about a week), and all the things that make me feel like a woman. Whatever self-care means for you. Do it. Try to do it consistently.
Loving yourself also means challenging your biases, and being thoughtful about your choices. It means being kind to the child inside of you, protecting your heart when others dismiss your emotions. It takes time, but it’s well worth it to start now if you haven’t done so already.
If someone were to tell me in 2019 that 2020 would happen the way it did, I probably would have said, “you’re a mess”. Aaaaand then, 2020 came around.
So for all my single people who are single and want to date as safely as possible. I’ve written a few questions to help you break the ice. If all else fails, let me know. I love hearing how Zoom dates go. I’ve never done one!
How do you feel about scrubbing floors and plunging toilets?– Yes, I’m for real. Look at their reaction. This is a great ice breaker. It also helps you see how they feel about doing manual labor. It’s supposed to be in jest. If they have a sense of humor, great, but if they take offense… run. I also like catching people off guard, because that’s where you see the real them most often. Try it, what do you have to lose?
How would your friends describe you in the group? This is a great question; I even use it during interviews. Generally, this shows you where the person is in the hierarchy and how they view themselves, funny, introverted, serious, etc.
What’s the best dish you’re known for? Great question if you’re a foody and get to know the kind of food they enjoy. If you are planning on an in-person date down the line, you have all the details.
Do you have a favorite comedian? Do they have a sense of humor? If so, what kind? Is it something that will align with yours? For me it’s Bill Burr (love him, still do) because he’s straight up and an acquired taste for some people. Thankfully my partner also appreciated his type of comedy.
Who’s the most inspiring person you know?Who they look up to will say a lot about their values and why they matter to them. Values are at the core of a personality, and will determine the conversations and memories you will choose to share.
If you guys liked this post, let me know, and I’ll make another. Good luck out there, and make sure you never ever, ever, ever, settle. Ever.
I’ve had my fair share of dealing with master manipulators, from ex-coworkers, partners, parents, and bosses. Nothing new; they all share the same traits. Here’s how to spot them, in order to avoid tragedy.
Favors – Are payments with interest. They help you, but shortly after expect something in return, probably more costly than the help they offered. Have you ever had a coworker “help” you with, let’s say, a disgruntled customer, then shortly you’re left to deal with three other angry customers to your own devices later on while they stretch their break time?
Emotionally manipulative– They cry on command to make you feel like a jerk, as needed. For anything, they will target the emotions, such as guilt and pity, to make you do things you, deep down, don’t want to do. My ex-boss who owned a restaurant would do that to say to our team that they were in financial ruin but would see them on vacations on IG. #cryinginbali
“A friend to all is a friend to none”– Aristotle. Pretty much, if this person is always agreeable and friends with everyone, despite that with you, they talk poorly about the very same persons they were just smooching 5 minutes earlier, watch out. Remember, if they talk bad about them, chances are they’ll talk about you.
No matter how nice they may seem, remember that some people will use these tactics to lower your guard and get what they want out of you. They will emotionally drain you and eat away your precious time. Something that is extremely expensive and that you can never get back.
Set clear boundaries and let them throw their fits, you do not need lousy company, nor do you want to invest in a friendship that is one-sided in the long run.